sunday school lessons

the beauty of the day

2005-11-03T19:48:06Z

i just came home from school for what was refered to as upset stomach, nausea, and dizziness. the idea of putting down "can't stay in class without breaking down" did not seem fair or even believable enough.
well, i learned a few things over the past day or so. first, i learned that i have been immature as hell and since nobody ever stopped me, i kept being that way. but i learned it myself. even the thought of maturity sounds good. also, i dont know what is going to happen with the band... there are some issues among memebers with general vibes/chemistry. there are some other things weighing me down, such as school and work. i am doing terribly in some classes, and at work and my boss doesn't think i am a good enough employee to be safe from a position of possible-firing.
i guess a little depression is al that it takes to come back down to the reality of the world and its daily issues. believe or not, i learned this all while i was high. being high made me realize my faults and issues so that i could learn from them. im not saying that its a good idea to get high for that purpose, nor am i saying that it saved me. im just saying its interesting.
i still have no regrets about anything ive done. there is no point in regret. thx for reading

a story i wrote for english class

2005-09-27T06:05:45Z

‘I feel fine,’ she said. There’s nothing wrong with me. I feel fine’
‘Well I’m sick of your games, woman’ the man said with a completely different tone in his voice. ‘Were gonna get this deal down whether you like it or not.’
‘I’m scared, sir.’
‘Just bite your lip and take it, we need the money.”
The train came along, and the nudged her into it and he shortly followed closed behind.
‘Where we get off, man?’
‘We get off at Blue Bonnet’
‘What’s his name?’
‘The street calls him the Arab; his women call him Balentine… I couldn’t imagine what his mother would call him. All I know is that this cat has been eyeballing your cover shots in them mags.’
The train came to a stop, and 48 sick individuals fled from the mess. Black lungs, holes in brains, no purpose in life but to wander the dark horizon. The two of them walked hand in hand, matching each other’s steps, awaiting the encounter to come.
‘You ready, bitch?’
‘Yes, I’m ready daddy.”
The two of them arrived at the shadiest possible corner available that night. They weren’t walking on ground, they weren’t walking on earth. They were walking wherever their minds were walking.
‘You stay here and fancy up… Strip down, cake up. I don’t want “B” to be disappointed. I want him to feel like he is living his fantasy of those sticky pages in the mag under his bed. I’m going to find a hotel and will be giving you two a call tomorrow. Remember, when this is over with, you and I will be on top of this fucking world.

satisfac-tion

2005-09-22T06:29:53Z

i think itd be cool to get a tiny bit more spiritual. i kind of thought about it after talking to this hella christian dude(twas cool tho). im also gonna try to stop mindlessly looking at girls that get me all riled up. not for spiritual reasons, mainly because i feel like every other guy when i do it and because... well i cant really explain, itl just be cool to do. im also gonna forget about the fact that people are looking at me cuz ive noticed some people doing it, its kinda wierd cuz its pretty recent. probly cuz im super poor looking and stuf. ill just have fun with it and pretend im in a sitcom. i drank some beer tonight because tommorow is late start. yeah im struggling alot in school. mainly just spanish and math. manly math. yeah. god im so stupid for smoking a ciggarette tonight, but i guess its pretty xxhardc:)rexx and i guess im pretty sweet and im gonna get some E soon. whoah mushrooms and E =bad brains and ER. i hear there are some more natural disasters coming. i wouldnt mind being a part of the end of the world. armagedon would be amazing. i would shoot up 6 tons of heroin on the spot.

help end nu-metal forever

2005-09-11T16:29:58Z

i have to work today, kinda sucks cuz its 3-7, which is when a lot of fun stuf should be taking place... and i cant stay out too late afterwards cuz i wanna get a good night's sleep. (lame i know) so yeah friday was a good night. people thought cat and i were completely wasted which is funny. i slowdanced to the metalband, then headbanged to the metal band. i think they're more of a slowdancing metalband, no offense big guy metalband. i still cant beleive one of the load-in helpers was smoking a ciggarette inside, that shit's irritating.
then i slept at gios house which was cool.
i had waffles with olive oil, and we watched a movie on hitler. (nice guy)
then i went home and about 43 of my plans fell through. which was fine. i cant beleive the "blaster" is still continuing. jesus.

first LJ post in years

2005-08-29T04:08:01Z

i skateboarded today with alex and we sat down at a park and all of a sudden a flock of 20+ people started slowly migrating over. it was typical rich suburban shit. rich familys, nice clothes, shaking hands, barbeque(i think), guys in basketball shorts playing frisby, their annoying little brothers on mopeds and scooters. i hate this place. i realized i feel really uncomfertable in nice/neat houses. i realized im pretty unconventional in these here parts, and im really glad.
i also hung out with robert and then we met up with cat zane jordan and janelle for a little while. then i watched robert get high, and it was the hardest shit to do this summer. to just watch. i cant do it anymore, and i feel empty without it. it made me miss lauren alot too, she would have made me feel real nice.
so overall im a little bit tense and hate to say but.. sad. but im still totally full of love, and i love all my friends and stuff. ide love some support.
your bud,
tibor

abstract_name @ 2005-01-12T17:50:00

2005-01-13T01:59:15Z

eating journal of today... this is to show everyone how much you eat when you quit smoking.

breakfast:
2 gardenburgers
1 salad with extra vegetables
1 serving of tofu
2 rolls
half of a can of tuna
1 bannana
aloe vera gel
1 serving of flax seeds

lunch:
1 chicken wrap (no chicken)
1 sub sandwich
1 bannana

dinner:
2 slices of french bread
3+ servings of grapenuts cereal
1 serving of soymilk
1 piece of veggie cheese
3 slices of veggie ham
1 serving of cucumber
1 salad with extra vegetables
half a can of tuna
2 tofu dogs
1 bannana
1 pea

im still really hungry.

abstract_name @ 2004-11-30T18:51:00

2004-12-01T02:55:40Z

im starting over and it's for real this time. you dont have to beleive me.

abstract_name @ 2004-11-21T23:32:00

2004-11-22T07:35:35Z

im sick but its ok because i cleaned out my dads medicine cabinet.
and oh, is he fucked up from that medicine. their gone now. sorry.
i want my family. i wont sleep tonight.

abstract_name @ 2004-10-31T22:19:00

2004-11-01T06:20:36Z

Cattell's 16 Factor Test Results

Warmth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Intellect	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%
Emotional Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Aggressiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Liveliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Dutifulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Social Assertiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Sensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Abstractness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Introversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Anxiety	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Openmindedness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	86%
Independence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Perfectionism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Tension	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%

Take Free 16pf based Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

im hella cold and unintelligible.

abstract_name @ 2004-10-25T21:55:00

2004-10-26T05:01:38Z

call your local redneck homophobe a faggot on a daily basis.

abstract_name @ 2004-10-19T21:05:00

2004-10-20T04:08:24Z

my ciggarettes are different than everyone elses :(
hey niggaz with a hookup, hook me up.

im not all there baby is that alright.

2004-10-15T04:37:35Z

"im going to fuck the shit out of you so hard you wont even know what hit you. so what if im abusive? bitch, you run your mouth again ill lose my fucking head again."
-**b**r

abstract_name @ 2004-10-11T18:28:00

2004-10-12T01:53:28Z

so dan came down today and we practiced the new and improved arabian nightmare. i also had 5shots coffee. me and catalin broke up so im gonna have to find a new boyfriend. so its like no more *i peuped my pents* and no more *vord*
ive been tring to teach janelle how to say it but she cant pronounce it right because shes too american! sometimes a man has to shed a tear or two and then do 35 pushups to get back in the game.
im in the game, i just have to study for the biggest test ive had in my life. the history test with the fucking teacher who buys clothes online during classperiod. can you beleive it?
this is moshington, god graceland will be so fucking cool tommorow.
your going to need those guns to go kill yourself. go kill yourself mother fucker, go kill-your-self.
dont forget to go, go. go-go-go-go kill yourself motherfucker, go kill-your-self. bitches love cuz they know that i can fuck.

abstract_name @ 2004-10-06T16:49:00

2004-10-06T23:50:46Z

*question*
do you think smoking with crest white strips in my mouth will ruin the whitening effect?

X marks the spot

2004-10-05T05:25:23Z

just got off the phone with hillary and we talked really fucking hard. not only did we have not have phone sex, but we didn't bring up the M word?
so i ditched out on school again but let this guy assure you that everything is going to be ok. i want to drop out and take the GED.
seriously, fucking seriously. i want to go to classes with adults in them. i really, really do. i dont want a highschool social life. i want a social life, just not in highschool. i only want to see the ones i care about. *if you are reading this tehn your probly one of them* oh dear, like i said about the weekend alchohol binge. that shit will fuck with you so as advice, dont bingedrink. i am now 17 meaning i can officially call people faggots and say things like *hey fag why dont you stop being gay* ok so my band is playing graceland in exactly a week so hopefully this doesnt turn out to be a bad performance like the one time mr bass decided to ditch us. lolzizer jay kay. its cool. its very cool. in fact its spectacular! i dont know what im saying anymore. dont take waht i say seriously.

drugs are so cool

2004-10-03T08:07:22Z

so a mother fucker couldnt get a ride to tha show tonight meaning he stayed home but got 100dollerz and the priveledge of obtaining 12+ alchoholic beverages and in the last minute smuggled fix into himself. a bitch has love in her heart for someone and a nigga never had nothin.
NEWS NEWS NEWS
thanks go to gary smiith for the congradulations on the new love.
arabian nightmare got a show at graceland? yes how exciting
i had a dream where you sucked my me off hxc *yeah you!!!!!!!!!! its you!!!******
hardcore is more than just a scene, its a way of life*
hehehehehehzerz
i fell in love with a girl and almost bought the outkast cd but vagina'd out

is this selfish?

take it as a threat, or better yet it is a promise.

2004-09-28T05:27:05Z

this last weekend was fucking awsome because i did a lot of crazy shit. and i hung out with my sister and we shot up. drink up, shoot in. so fuck it was amazing. i am in a cool state of mind where im stressed the fuck out about schoolwork but other than that im good. exept for the fact that i began disliking bitches in these projects. but i started diggin' some bitches in these projects as well, so you know waht that means bitches. im free. whats upppppp? i just want to dance. there was fucking good dancers at the show on saturday and it inspired me. guess who's fucking lame birthday is going to be october 4th and celebrated next weekend. hopefully im going to JUST SAY NO TO PROM, and go to tha fuckin show with mikealas fiend. then my people want a nigga to fucking eat food and shit so ill do that. oh i wont have money for my fix fuck ok so just fuck ill probly ask it from my dad oh god its going to be so amazing that weekend. and hopefuly riko starzzzz comes over and works her beautiful magic. the only thing that sucks is school, but let me assure you that im feeling super. i feel like showing lots of love, i just dont know where. im going to be a fucking pycologist i decided today. im rolling so smooth. oh and dont hold back whats on your mind, just fucking say wahtever you feel. haha oh my god next time you write an entry press *spell check* i have like 4 pages of spelling errors on this entry.

abstract_name @ 2004-09-23T12:02:00

2004-09-23T18:58:46Z

hey i didnt go to school today because i felt like shit. im really sorry i didnt hook you up dale.

abstract_name @ 2004-09-22T21:39:00

2004-09-23T04:40:39Z

Tdollerz: do you want to touch my asshole?
scenepointblank: yea

no furthur comment, thats just how it has to go.

.

2004-09-23T03:57:14Z

my little smiley guy that represents nervous looks like hes about to suck a huge cock, thats why i picked him. they have crazy emotions i never even noticed that shit. so like im a princess now so instead of saying *hi* just call me bueatiful or i probably wont talk to you. thxerz. so like i took a whipit into the bathroom of safeway but that shit only lasts like 2 minutes. so oh my jesus-eating shit i have a test tommorow and a posterboard i havent started. ok heres the plan. after math class i go to the office and like stick my finger down my throat and puke and call home to get picked up. god ill have to make up the test but tommorow i donttttttttt want to fucking go through bullshit test shit and i dont wanna do my posterboard tonight because im such a caressmatic person. im going to call hillzary tonight and say eat my asshole to homework. a man's got to live, and live he will. its only a test and a posterboard and the shitty process of pretending to be sickkk. im determined, im gonna fucking do it. lets see what is the coolest thing about today. oh yeah, some christian kid sat by me at the guitar shop and started playing jesus chords so i made a really christian guitar solo so he started talking to me. and he tried to get me to jam on some songs and i played really fucking bad. haahah it was so awsome. im a spectacular person.

its what i mean, not what i say, its what i mean, not what i say

2004-09-22T05:39:55Z

so i went home today and then i did homework. oh yeah arabian nightmare *my band shit* is on the radio in portland so that was cool to hear about. i just wrote an awsome song so ask me to show you, its fuckin tight. everything on my mind is totally uninteresting. i gotta get more interesting shit on my mind. school just ruins it because i have absolutely no interest in fucking how puritans came to america to be assholes and purify their cocks. spanish is the more interesting class because im learning something, a fucking language, and the feeling of learning a language is good. pretty good. pretty god damn good. haha. yeah this shit isnt interesting so why dont i talk about cool shit. so my mom, remember her, she was a maid for william teller. if you dont know who that is then look it up. dude school ruined my fun. so i went to a house at lunch and i saw a whipcream can so i put it in my mouth and squeezed the shit out of it and then i ate some fucking vanilla almond crunch shit, it was an orgasm because i previously ate the best fucking sandwich/roll from the safeway deli. today was also payday. today was fucking payday 13.fucking50. im gonna blow it so fast on happy shit. anyone want me to drum in their fucking bands? im stoned.

sometimes a man just has to fuck himself a few times before he realizes that he's a happy personpoop

2004-09-18T07:22:49Z

i saw the blood brothers tonight with some other bands. i think i enjoyed mikealas fiend the most out of all the bands. it was really cool. i also saved nigas life cuz he was crossing the street when a car was coming full speed. there was something i wish i woulda done tonight but, actually there were 2 things i wish i would have done. fuck it. my night wasnt complete. it still isnt but im glad theres no fucking school tommorow. im going to go home to renton and fuck myself really hard tommorow. i can just taste it now. smoosh was totally awsome, ide hit that. juuuuust kiddddddddding. im really glad i met marius and saw dan today. most everyone was really nice/cool today. MOST everyone. ha ha. kiss me i dont smoke kiss me i dont smoke kiss me i dont smoke kiss me i dont smoke. i cant beleive the amount of eastlake kids i saw at the show. it was like fuck. my estimate of freeloading today was probably 10$ no joke i freeloaded so much fucking money. wait no i got 8 from mark. i probably made 10$ off charm alone though. its all about putting your arm around the person and calling them buddy. haha god i really need to stop freeloading. starting monday ill stop. strawberry milk is a fucking dream. i love you
tibor

fuck me

2004-09-17T05:35:58Z

i got 9'11 on my mile run time.
im so fucking wasted i tried heroin for the first time today, thats why im exhausted. jesus christ its crazy. love: i dont even know if im gonna go to blood brothers show tommorow. oh yeah maybe but i want to go home so badly. my drugs are there.
im gonna call hillary really soon. im gonna hit mark up for cash tommroow. god i fucking hate schoolwork. math test tommorow.
eat me out.

another episode of loveboat

2004-09-15T23:58:31Z

ok im not in the higher crazy mood that ive been when ive been writing my other 2 long entries. im just chill, and the sky is dark so im lazy. drugs: ive been hittin up cigars, i actually sold a cigar for a dollar and a cig for a dollar today, im such a good businessman. i almost made a dollar tracing reid's map too. i was gonna make 2 but alex fucking was like "ill do it for one" so it ruined my offer to reid. love: so like ive been saying some mean shit but this time its gonna be nice because im in a better mood. so hillary is a beautiful person and she is great. im going to go to the firehouse at 5 and do some community service. nancy was nice on the phone. todays kind of boring, the wheather mostly makes it that. oh well. so my plan after firehouse is homework. some living on your own work. then ill take a beatiful bath. wait i think ill bath before homework to stimulate everything. ok my ride will be here soon so i might say more later.
love
tibor

why am i doing this.

2004-09-14T04:46:37Z

why the fuck am i writing in my jive journal. ok so its 9:24 and i just took a hit of meth so im really blazed and shit. so im lifting weights and then this jock makes me fun of me with his friends about lifting the weight the wrong way. they laughed at me for about 30 seconds. after that happened and we all hit the lockers and he slapped his teammate's ass i asked him if i could suck his dick. he was in front of his teammates who's ass he had slapped earlier so he obviously couldnt say yes because that would be gay. i also mentioned to my dads wife about hunter for some reason and she was like "cunter?" that was pretty much the funniest thing that happened today besides when i got made fun of for lifting weights the wrong way. drugs: im so high off meth that i can't even see. love: im so in love with animals(not!) love: so yeah dude this bitch ate my cream cheese today and i looked at her and was like, fucking gross dude, she ate the whole fucking thing. oh dude i hate at the mexican resturaunt right by the police station right after school with metallica. heh heh you know what im saying brah. music of the day: frog eyes/camera obscura. you know what im saying brah. its really 80s. so tommorow its going to be all about waking up and treating hunter to coffee and a blunt. then its gonna be all about being really awsome in the core classes. god i fucking hate math. look at me im putting numbers together because its *important in life*. fuck that. im never going to pass graduation requirements level 4 in an essay. thats something to worry about. dude i really like this cd you gave me. im debating whether or not to call hillary. hmmm. im leaning torwards a no because shes a hipster and shes *busy* or whatever that shit could mean. heh heh. dude this meth shit is wearing off, romania gave me a lil somethin somethin to sip on but if my pops' wife is still up then i cant have it, and ill need a bottle opener and thats a fucking hassle. very very tough decision. i promised myself ide go to bed and its 9:46. what is a man to do?!?!??!!?!?!!?!? que de hoy es manana? manana es el tuesday. did i get that shit right?
-tibor