| the beauty of the day |
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| 11:30am 03/11/2005 |
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i just came home from school for what was refered to as upset stomach, nausea, and dizziness. the idea of putting down "can't stay in class without breaking down" did not seem fair or even believable enough.
well, i learned a few things over the past day or so. first, i learned that i have been immature as hell and since nobody ever stopped me, i kept being that way. but i learned it myself. even the thought of maturity sounds good. also, i dont know what is going to happen with the band... there are some issues among memebers with general vibes/chemistry. there are some other things weighing me down, such as school and work. i am doing terribly in some classes, and at work and my boss doesn't think i am a good enough employee to be safe from a position of possible-firing.
i guess a little depression is al that it takes to come back down to the reality of the world and its daily issues. believe or not, i learned this all while i was high. being high made me realize my faults and issues so that i could learn from them. im not saying that its a good idea to get high for that purpose, nor am i saying that it saved me. im just saying its interesting.
i still have no regrets about anything ive done. there is no point in regret. thx for reading |
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Read 5 - Post |
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| a story i wrote for english class |
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| 11:04pm 26/09/2005 |
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‘I feel fine,’ she said. There’s nothing wrong with me. I feel fine’
‘Well I’m sick of your games, woman’ the man said with a completely different tone in his voice. ‘Were gonna get this deal down whether you like it or not.’
‘I’m scared, sir.’
‘Just bite your lip and take it, we need the money.”
The train came along, and the nudged her into it and he shortly followed closed behind.
‘Where we get off, man?’
‘We get off at Blue Bonnet’
‘What’s his name?’
‘The street calls him the Arab; his women call him Balentine… I couldn’t imagine what his mother would call him. All I know is that this cat has been eyeballing your cover shots in them mags.’
The train came to a stop, and 48 sick individuals fled from the mess. Black lungs, holes in brains, no purpose in life but to wander the dark horizon. The two of them walked hand in hand, matching each other’s steps, awaiting the encounter to come.
‘You ready, bitch?’
‘Yes, I’m ready daddy.”
The two of them arrived at the shadiest possible corner available that night. They weren’t walking on ground, they weren’t walking on earth. They were walking wherever their minds were walking.
‘You stay here and fancy up… Strip down, cake up. I don’t want “B” to be disappointed. I want him to feel like he is living his fantasy of those sticky pages in the mag under his bed. I’m going to find a hotel and will be giving you two a call tomorrow. Remember, when this is over with, you and I will be on top of this fucking world. |
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| satisfac-tion |
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| 11:09pm 21/09/2005 |
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mood:  crazy music: die monitr batss-girls of war
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i think itd be cool to get a tiny bit more spiritual. i kind of thought about it after talking to this hella christian dude(twas cool tho). im also gonna try to stop mindlessly looking at girls that get me all riled up. not for spiritual reasons, mainly because i feel like every other guy when i do it and because... well i cant really explain, itl just be cool to do. im also gonna forget about the fact that people are looking at me cuz ive noticed some people doing it, its kinda wierd cuz its pretty recent. probly cuz im super poor looking and stuf. ill just have fun with it and pretend im in a sitcom. i drank some beer tonight because tommorow is late start. yeah im struggling alot in school. mainly just spanish and math. manly math. yeah. god im so stupid for smoking a ciggarette tonight, but i guess its pretty xxhardc:)rexx and i guess im pretty sweet and im gonna get some E soon. whoah mushrooms and E =bad brains and ER. i hear there are some more natural disasters coming. i wouldnt mind being a part of the end of the world. armagedon would be amazing. i would shoot up 6 tons of heroin on the spot. |
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Read 3 - Post |
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| help end nu-metal forever |
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| 09:19am 11/09/2005 |
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music: spoons clanking against fucking plates
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i have to work today, kinda sucks cuz its 3-7, which is when a lot of fun stuf should be taking place... and i cant stay out too late afterwards cuz i wanna get a good night's sleep. (lame i know) so yeah friday was a good night. people thought cat and i were completely wasted which is funny. i slowdanced to the metalband, then headbanged to the metal band. i think they're more of a slowdancing metalband, no offense big guy metalband. i still cant beleive one of the load-in helpers was smoking a ciggarette inside, that shit's irritating.
then i slept at gios house which was cool.
i had waffles with olive oil, and we watched a movie on hitler. (nice guy)
then i went home and about 43 of my plans fell through. which was fine. i cant beleive the "blaster" is still continuing. jesus. |
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| first LJ post in years |
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| 08:55pm 28/08/2005 |
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mood: downbeat love music: gang of four- your kiss so sweet
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i skateboarded today with alex and we sat down at a park and all of a sudden a flock of 20+ people started slowly migrating over. it was typical rich suburban shit. rich familys, nice clothes, shaking hands, barbeque(i think), guys in basketball shorts playing frisby, their annoying little brothers on mopeds and scooters. i hate this place. i realized i feel really uncomfertable in nice/neat houses. i realized im pretty unconventional in these here parts, and im really glad.
i also hung out with robert and then we met up with cat zane jordan and janelle for a little while. then i watched robert get high, and it was the hardest shit to do this summer. to just watch. i cant do it anymore, and i feel empty without it. it made me miss lauren alot too, she would have made me feel real nice.
so overall im a little bit tense and hate to say but.. sad. but im still totally full of love, and i love all my friends and stuff. ide love some support.
your bud,
tibor |
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| 05:50pm 12/01/2005 |
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eating journal of today... this is to show everyone how much you eat when you quit smoking.
breakfast:
2 gardenburgers
1 salad with extra vegetables
1 serving of tofu
2 rolls
half of a can of tuna
1 bannana
aloe vera gel
1 serving of flax seeds
lunch:
1 chicken wrap (no chicken)
1 sub sandwich
1 bannana
dinner:
2 slices of french bread
3+ servings of grapenuts cereal
1 serving of soymilk
1 piece of veggie cheese
3 slices of veggie ham
1 serving of cucumber
1 salad with extra vegetables
half a can of tuna
2 tofu dogs
1 bannana
1 pea
im still really hungry. |
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| 06:51pm 30/11/2004 |
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mood:  relieved
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im starting over and it's for real this time. you dont have to beleive me. |
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| 11:32pm 21/11/2004 |
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im sick but its ok because i cleaned out my dads medicine cabinet.
and oh, is he fucked up from that medicine. their gone now. sorry.
i want my family. i wont sleep tonight. |
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| 10:19pm 31/10/2004 |
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mood: amused music: bloc party
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Cattell's 16 Factor Test Results | Warmth | |||||||||||| | 34% | | Intellect | |||||||||||| | 38% | | Emotional Stability | ||||||||||||||| | 42% | | Aggressiveness | ||||||||||||||| | 46% | | Liveliness | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 66% | | Dutifulness | ||||||||| | 30% | | Social Assertiveness | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 66% | | Sensitivity | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 74% | | Paranoia | |||||||||||||||||| | 58% | | Abstractness | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 74% | | Introversion | |||||||||||||||||| | 54% | | Anxiety | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 74% | | Openmindedness | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 86% | | Independence | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 62% | | Perfectionism | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Tension | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 66% | | Take Free 16pf based Personality Testpersonality tests by similarminds.com
im hella cold and unintelligible. |
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| 09:55pm 25/10/2004 |
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mood: niggaz wanna fuck. music: come and dance with me michael
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call your local redneck homophobe a faggot on a daily basis. |
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| 09:05pm 19/10/2004 |
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mood:  My ciggarettes are different music: The ciggarette's- HB smokes
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my ciggarettes are different than everyone elses :(
hey niggaz with a hookup, hook me up. |
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| im not all there baby is that alright. |
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| 09:19pm 14/10/2004 |
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"im going to fuck the shit out of you so hard you wont even know what hit you. so what if im abusive? bitch, you run your mouth again ill lose my fucking head again."
-**b**r |
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| 06:28pm 11/10/2004 |
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mood:  give me all your guns. music: birdshapedholesinthesky and MSI, that ryhmed
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so dan came down today and we practiced the new and improved arabian nightmare. i also had 5shots coffee. me and catalin broke up so im gonna have to find a new boyfriend. so its like no more *i peuped my pents* and no more *vord*
ive been tring to teach janelle how to say it but she cant pronounce it right because shes too american! sometimes a man has to shed a tear or two and then do 35 pushups to get back in the game.
im in the game, i just have to study for the biggest test ive had in my life. the history test with the fucking teacher who buys clothes online during classperiod. can you beleive it?
this is moshington, god graceland will be so fucking cool tommorow.
your going to need those guns to go kill yourself. go kill yourself mother fucker, go kill-your-self.
dont forget to go, go. go-go-go-go kill yourself motherfucker, go kill-your-self. bitches love cuz they know that i can fuck. |
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| 04:49pm 06/10/2004 |
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*question*
do you think smoking with crest white strips in my mouth will ruin the whitening effect? |
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Read 4 - Post |
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| X marks the spot |
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| 10:08pm 04/10/2004 |
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mood: emotions are for fags! music: redlightsting-HOTDOGS!HOTDOGS!
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just got off the phone with hillary and we talked really fucking hard. not only did we have not have phone sex, but we didn't bring up the M word?
so i ditched out on school again but let this guy assure you that everything is going to be ok. i want to drop out and take the GED.
seriously, fucking seriously. i want to go to classes with adults in them. i really, really do. i dont want a highschool social life. i want a social life, just not in highschool. i only want to see the ones i care about. *if you are reading this tehn your probly one of them* oh dear, like i said about the weekend alchohol binge. that shit will fuck with you so as advice, dont bingedrink. i am now 17 meaning i can officially call people faggots and say things like *hey fag why dont you stop being gay* ok so my band is playing graceland in exactly a week so hopefully this doesnt turn out to be a bad performance like the one time mr bass decided to ditch us. lolzizer jay kay. its cool. its very cool. in fact its spectacular! i dont know what im saying anymore. dont take waht i say seriously. |
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| drugs are so cool |
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| 12:44am 03/10/2004 |
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so a mother fucker couldnt get a ride to tha show tonight meaning he stayed home but got 100dollerz and the priveledge of obtaining 12+ alchoholic beverages and in the last minute smuggled fix into himself. a bitch has love in her heart for someone and a nigga never had nothin.
NEWS NEWS NEWS
thanks go to gary smiith for the congradulations on the new love.
arabian nightmare got a show at graceland? yes how exciting
i had a dream where you sucked my me off hxc *yeah you!!!!!!!!!! its you!!!******
hardcore is more than just a scene, its a way of life*
hehehehehehzerz
i fell in love with a girl and almost bought the outkast cd but vagina'd out
is this selfish? |
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| take it as a threat, or better yet it is a promise. |
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| 10:08pm 27/09/2004 |
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mood: fuck smileys. music: the fucking rah brahs
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this last weekend was fucking awsome because i did a lot of crazy shit. and i hung out with my sister and we shot up. drink up, shoot in. so fuck it was amazing. i am in a cool state of mind where im stressed the fuck out about schoolwork but other than that im good. exept for the fact that i began disliking bitches in these projects. but i started diggin' some bitches in these projects as well, so you know waht that means bitches. im free. whats upppppp? i just want to dance. there was fucking good dancers at the show on saturday and it inspired me. guess who's fucking lame birthday is going to be october 4th and celebrated next weekend. hopefully im going to JUST SAY NO TO PROM, and go to tha fuckin show with mikealas fiend. then my people want a nigga to fucking eat food and shit so ill do that. oh i wont have money for my fix fuck ok so just fuck ill probly ask it from my dad oh god its going to be so amazing that weekend. and hopefuly riko starzzzz comes over and works her beautiful magic. the only thing that sucks is school, but let me assure you that im feeling super. i feel like showing lots of love, i just dont know where. im going to be a fucking pycologist i decided today. im rolling so smooth. oh and dont hold back whats on your mind, just fucking say wahtever you feel. haha oh my god next time you write an entry press *spell check* i have like 4 pages of spelling errors on this entry. |
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| 12:02pm 23/09/2004 |
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hey i didnt go to school today because i felt like shit. im really sorry i didnt hook you up dale. |
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| 09:39pm 22/09/2004 |
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Tdollerz: do you want to touch my asshole?
scenepointblank: yea
no furthur comment, thats just how it has to go. |
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| 08:15pm 22/09/2004 |
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mood:  hes sucking dick
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my little smiley guy that represents nervous looks like hes about to suck a huge cock, thats why i picked him. they have crazy emotions i never even noticed that shit. so like im a princess now so instead of saying *hi* just call me bueatiful or i probably wont talk to you. thxerz. so like i took a whipit into the bathroom of safeway but that shit only lasts like 2 minutes. so oh my jesus-eating shit i have a test tommorow and a posterboard i havent started. ok heres the plan. after math class i go to the office and like stick my finger down my throat and puke and call home to get picked up. god ill have to make up the test but tommorow i donttttttttt want to fucking go through bullshit test shit and i dont wanna do my posterboard tonight because im such a caressmatic person. im going to call hillzary tonight and say eat my asshole to homework. a man's got to live, and live he will. its only a test and a posterboard and the shitty process of pretending to be sickkk. im determined, im gonna fucking do it. lets see what is the coolest thing about today. oh yeah, some christian kid sat by me at the guitar shop and started playing jesus chords so i made a really christian guitar solo so he started talking to me. and he tried to get me to jam on some songs and i played really fucking bad. haahah it was so awsome. im a spectacular person. |
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